Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
