What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
