that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
