Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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