Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
