Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
