I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
