Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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