well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
