The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
