Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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