I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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