You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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