He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
