a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We have so much sex to catch up on
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
