Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
