I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
