No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
