She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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