not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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