my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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