i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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