Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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