sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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