Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
