Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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