we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
