38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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