Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
