Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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