More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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