she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
