Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
