ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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