WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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