I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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