I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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