I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
