Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
