Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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