I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize