...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
