There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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