Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
