I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i love accidental penises.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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