Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
