Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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