i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
