how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
