your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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