All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
