you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
