I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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