my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
