its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
