So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize