If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the raccoons are back...
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