we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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