Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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