i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
