I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
