She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize