Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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