if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you win again, gameday.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize