you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
