my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
