We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
nutella sex= disaster
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
