White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
