I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
