remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
