I cockslap morals
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
