dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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