sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize