This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
