i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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