I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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