I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
