Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
