well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
