If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize