I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
