My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
