Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
