I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
