I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize