I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
