I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
