Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
