fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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