Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
